Merry Christmas

He does make a charming elf doesn't he?

He only wants a few things for Christmas, an X-box, a few games for the Wii, all of the air type helicopters, cars, etc.

His class is having a party and I have to provide a stocking stuffer for each child. Thank goodness for dollar and discount stores. Play doh, pencils, cars, puzzles, coloring books, makeup sets, etc.. I ended up snagging a present for the empty stocking fund also. In all I spent 22 dollars.

Goodbye Rosie

Goodbye Rosie.
You have been a faithful companion.
A cat that only tolerated petting.
My first redneck scrapper cat.
We buried her under the rosebush at the back of the yard.
Feb 1992-Nov 2008

Moonshine Festival 2008

It's that time again. Time for the Moonshine Festival held every year in the town square of Dawsonville. I do love living in a small town. Everyone, well, almost everyone, is friendly. You can start a conversation in the line at the deli counter, and we most of all we have festivals. Cotton candy, boiled peanuts, face painting, the junior high dance team, and of course, the cars. Dawsonville was a major moonshine distribution hub back in the early days. Maybe still. We live close enough to downtown to be able to walk. We spent the large portion of a sunny fall day looking at arts and crafts, listening to the bands and people watching. A glorious time was had by all.

Kindergarten Roundup

Kyle's school had kindergarten roundup tonight. We met his teacher and assistant, toured the classroom, spoke with the principal and support staff. I signed up to volunteer for the book fair, and offered to help with field trips.
I did not WANT to go to kindergarten roundup, for reasons unexplained, but I will not be one of the uninvolved (grand)parents who blame their children's lack of progress on the teachers. Coming from a family of teachers, their main refrain was "We always know before the first week is finished which children have active involved parents and which do not." "We know which have chores, discipline and routines, for they have little to no problems adapting."
His class is small 14 students, 2 teachers. We are looking forward to new experiences with only little sadness. It only takes minutes and that chubby little face becomes...a kindergartner!

It's raining, it's pouring

John comes home from work and music lessons in a particularly foul mood.
Okay... he's tired, it's been a long day. Let's get him dinner, pet on him and give him time to relax.
After dinner he informs me that this afternoon he and 5 other people at his company were laid off due to lack of work.
MMMMMkay.
He's laid off
We have no insurance.
I'm unemployed and fighting them over benefits.
Robin lives here.
She's on Workman's comp from surgery for another 5-6 weeks.
We are waiting on word if Rick has to go to jail.
Until then, her life is on hold.
Drew and Kyle live here.
School is out for the summer.
And the topper........our cable was cut off today.
Stress? I think I am a freaking carrier!
I neither drink or smoke, but wonder why not on a daily basis.

Graduation Day

Holy Moly!

This..... was once.

His pre-K graduation was this morning

Mr. Monkeyhead is now officially a kindergartener.

We met with the Kindergarten teachers at his school when we went on a tour. All K-2 teachers smell exactly alike. A sweet cotton candy scent that I remembered from my childhood the moment I walked into the classroom.

All the little desks, cubbies, chairs, water fountains. The promise of a new and exciting adventures. He can't wait to learn to read. He spends an hour each day writing his alphabet, address and phone number. I'm waiting for the magical moment when he reads, really reads his first sentence. See spot chase the ball. That was the first sentence I ever read. I looked at the words on the page and thought..."See spot chase the ball" WOW...I can read! I can READ! Everyone who entered my house for the next week was greeted at the door and excitedly read to, where they wished to hear about Spot and Jane or not.

I can't wait for this big milestone to be experienced by him. I remember that sudden surge of joy and the almost instant knowledge that life as I knew it was forever changed... for the better.

Look ma!! No stitches!

Robins stitches are out. The surgery site looks fairly well. The soft cast was removed and a hard cast replaced it. They must have positioned the cast incorrectly because after an agonizing night she swung by my house and it was off to battle rush hour traffic to Saint Joseph's for an emergency reset.
Yes, she's back with him, long story, but one anyone who has dealt with alcoholics knows well. "Come back, we will go to counseling, I'll slow down on drinking, blah blah blah." It was great for a few days, now it's back to crappy The clock is ticking, the stage is set, we are just waiting for the actors to take their places.

Donuts with Dad

Last Friday it was "Muffins with Mom" Perched in tiny chairs we feasted on muffins and milk while oohing and ahing over their homemade Mothers Day gifts.
This week was "Donuts with Dad" and the school had a man from Home Depot come down and all the children built a planter box. They even provided them with the bright orange apron. No one hammered, sawed or glued anything they weren't supposed to, and now, we have....for grandma's upmost bragging rights, possibly the most beautiful planter box I have ever seen.

Round 3?? 4?? 5??

She's here. They argued over her not wanting to make the 3 hour round trip to pick up daughter Shelby. Hmmmm. Two days post op, major pain (from a person who breezed through her hysterectomy with a minimum of pain relief) huge half cast and bandages from upper arm to fingers. riding with a man who keeps a cooler of beer iced down in the back seat. He left angry and when he came back, they argued, which escalated into a shoving match. Now she sports a busted lip and possible bruising. I love digital cameras for I have instant documentation.
She drove the car down for once he didn't fight her on that. I think he realized he had crossed the line, for if she had called the police, it was off to jail he would go. She did call the police when she made it to my house, but then found out that she would have to go back to the county she lived in to file a report. She had documentation, but declined to press charges. I know the reasons, and valid or not, they are her reasons and I will respect her wishes.
She 's done with him, she's finished. She will take the car back Monday or so and I will follow her up there...again.
I left my ex husband 8 times in 2 years. I am only realizing now what my friends and family lived through each time. It's heartbreakingly sad, mixed with anger, stress, and aggravation.
For safety's sake, she puts her phone on speaker, I put my phone on mute, and I tape their arguments. The best thing she said to him was, "You have taken my car, my house, my self esteem, my dignity but know this, when I leave, at least I will have ME, and that is the one thing that you cannot ever take away." I almost cheered when we played that back!

Robin in Surgery

Today is Robin's 2nd surgery. Ligaments and tendons, carpal tunnel, etc... at least this time is it the left hand instead of the right.
Rick will not be there for the surgery. He had court for a DUI. We are almost certain he will be going to jail, for violating his probation but then, the rules really don't apply to him.
I'm driving her home, Drew is following us, and we are staying until the last possible moment before he has to leave for work.
I was to attend a class at the unemployment center but have moved it to the 21st. Apparently you are allowed 4 changes, one for each class. I've never had such a hard time finding a job.

Happy Birthday Kyle

Today, we are celebrating Kyle's 5th birthday.
He wanted to go to Chuck E Cheese, but that was so out of the question.
I sometimes feel badly about not being able to spend 300 dollars on a party venue for a 5 year old, but then again.....no I don't.
Times are rough, money is tight. I would rather get him one really good present and a few small inexpensive ones than blow it all on animated cartoon characters and really bad pizza.
His classmate Noah invited him to Monkey Joes, they share the same birthday May 12. He ran, slid, jumped and hopped for 3 hours, had cake and went home happy, but tired.

Now it's clear

Robin has no days off. Rick plans them with errands and chores to fill the entire day.
Do this, return this, call about this, etc
Yesterday he began drinking, what a suprise, and it got progressively uglier as the day went on.
We now know why.
He's on probation for this 3rd DUI in another county. Last month he had a hearing to determine if he could be released from probation early. He stood before the judge and told him he had not been in any trouble and had not been drinking (one of the terms of his probation) but never thought he would actually verify this. How dare him, doesn't he know that rules only apply to mere mortals? The pending DUI he has in the county he lives in violated his probation.
He may:
go to jail for 6 months
have to wear a monitoring ankle bracelet
or (more than likely)
scrape through this without a scratch.
I'll be so glad when she can rid herself of this situation.

Cinco De Mayo

My neighbors are all roaring drunk.
3 pitchers or Margaritas and shots of tequila will do that. :)
Normally sober and upstanding citizens, they were the victims of an impromptu parking lot party after work.
I swear my very reserved neighbor was doing the Pee Wee Herman Tequila dance.
I'm curious how Tuesday morning will find them.
Hurting, i'm sure.
The very reserved neighbor will fare the worst, he works outside in the bright, hot sunshine.

Goodbye to Spike and Shadow

Robin couldn't stand it any longer.
She's tired of living without Spike and Shadow.
Today after work she stopped by and wisked them away.
I'm having a bit of empty nest syndrome.
He's the first dog we've had in the house in 6 years.
Soon, I will invade her house and bring him chicken nuggets.
Maybe try to slip him in the car without her noticing.
Highly unlikely.

Abuse and Love

My friend/sister is in an abusive relationship. He's controlling and very verbally abusive. I have watched her change and become more beaten down with time. She's left him once, and then when his daughter was going through a crisis, she against her better judgement moved back in with him.
He learned from that mistake and talked her into selling her house to him. They used that money to buy more houses, renovate them and rent them out. He has 5 houses now. None in her name. He sold her car, it was too much to maintain.
I see what's happening. So does she. When it's too much to bear, she calls me and I go get her. He spends the next day bombarding her with phone calls until she gives in and comes back. After all, she has no car or house, where will she go? She can stay here, but that's beside the point.
He has taken everything from her both physically and mentally.
I will be so glad when she finally dumps him or will he kill her?
But to be on the safe side, I made her sign a piece of paper in case something happens to her, the police will be investigating him. We also gave her a microcassette recorder and are will be holding tapes to use as evidence.
I secretly wish he would get picked up for DUI (He's had 3) or as horrible as this sounds, I wish he would just die.
When things are going his way, he's very charismatic, charming and some would say personable.
When they are not, it's a constant fight. On days like that, when he pulls in the driveway she calls me and I put my phone on mute and listen. I have gotten in he van and driven to her house at 2 in the morning to pick her up while listening the entire drive (90 minutes) anticipating at any moment having to call 911.
We are counting the days down and tucking every spare dollar aside for her emergency exit fund.

You say it's your birthday!

It's my birthday!
I'm 45!
No, i'm not drunk, why do you ask?
I came to the conclusion that i'm never going to beone of those women who pin an emotion on an age. I can wallow in self pity for 15 or 20 other perfectly good reasons other than today I am a year older.
Do I wish I was 25 again? Nah, I am a much better person than 20 years ago. If the trend continues, I will be absolutely fantastic by the time I reach 65!
Robin came over, John cooked all day, we had grilled salmon and steamed veggies (my favorite) then cake! Wonderful caramel black and white cake.
John gave me this beautiful waterfall garden thingie, Kyle gave me a snow globe with an angel inside. He said a was an angel. :)
Drew gave me a Wii. Yes, at 45 he bought me a Wii!!!! Sweet!!!!!
The last time I played video games was when the 2400 Atari was popular. Donkey Kong and Miner 2049'er were my games!!!!
Nope, i'm not your typical grandma!
And BTW.... I rock at bowling, baseball and tennis!!!!
BUT be warned, you will work up a sweat playing these games! I felt better than after a 30 minute workout at Curves! How ironic it would be if I lost weight playing video games!

Camping

There is nothing like a few warm days/cool nights to make John want to go camping. I like camping for the most part. We are blessed to live within 10 miles of Lake Lanier. They have cutback on the number of campsites that are open, but the closest one is Shady Grove. Over 100 campsites, 4 showering facilities and a convenience store less than 5 miles away.

Kyle likes to go camping also. Mainly he likes fishing, or rather, casting the fishing rod, throwing rocks in the lake and playing in his tent. Come nightfall, he's ready to leave. It's too dark and there are too many weird noises. I'm with him, only mine is centered around every horror move made, Halloween, Friday the 13th. You can almost hear the spooky music start up the darker it gets. Besides, the ground is too hard and I am too fat and old to be sleeping in a sleeping bag in a Winnie the Pooh tent. Give me cable, running water, a bathroom 20 feet rather than 200 yards away and a nozy comfortable bed over communing with nature.

Spiderman shirt, shoes and fishing rod.

The story according to Kyle. "This is all that is left of the man the shark ate." There are no sharks in Lake Lanier, they only are in the ocean. "No Nia, it was a shark."

Why did I doubt him?

11 days

For the last 11 days each time I open the door, pull out of the driveway, take Spike for a walk I scan the area. "Please let her come home." is my silent thought.
This morning, the neighbors cat chased her through and open window.
Lola (big head Fred) is back. None worse for wear, fat and slick and probably pregnant. Little hussy.
I'm so glad she's home!!!

Your blood sugar is WHAT?

Wednesday John came home from the hospital.
Thursday he drove all the way to work 26 miles in Atlanta traffic (1 hour)
They took one look and sent him home.
Friday, they sent him home again.
Loooooooooooooooong weekend.
He sleeps most weekend. He looks terrible, he's so tired.
Monday and Tuesday he works 4 hours each day, then runs out of steam.
He comes home and goes to bed.
Tuesday, we have a HUGE fight and he agrees to go to the doctor.
We love our doctor, we drive 35 miles to see him and pass more than 100 other doctors and 3 hospitals to get to him.
John has lost 35 pounds since December.
His diabetes is progressing. He is now on injectable insulin. He is in total denial about this.
He's on a downward spiral and if he doesn't turn this around he won't live to see 55.
He's 50 now.
I'm not prepared to be a widow and stand over a grave.
I'm not prepared to try to explain to Kyle why Paki is no longer here.
His blood sugar at the doctors office??? 289 with nothing to eat but a peanut butter sandwich at 7 am.

Spike Hughes

Spike fought a car, and the car won. The surgery to fix Spikes broken hip is $4,000.00. Yes, $4,000.00
A lot of money I must admit.

What price do you pay for pets? How do you put a price tag on loyalty, protection or companionship?

Spike has pulled Robin through some fairly tough times. The gradual decline of a marriage, the breakup and divorce and the semi recovery.

"Just put the dog to sleep and I will buy you another one." was the comment that the boyfriend made. "He's just a dog."

Years from now, when Rick wonders when it was actually "over" between them I could tell him. Sunday afternoon when Robin called you crying with the estimate from the vet and you spoke those words, that's when it ended for her. It was already rocky but at that moment, it became crystal clear.

Can't unring a bell. Can't snatch those words back out of the air.

In August, she will have enough set back to leave. Until then, Spike is in my care.

By August, he'll be so stinking spoiled I will be truly ashamed. Until then, let the spoiling begin.

Surgery is next week. He needs two plates and will have to stay 2 days in the hospital.

Afterwards he will have to be confined to the house. No steps, etc..
Yes, $4000.00 is alot of money. But he's worth it. For he is more than "just a dog"

Swing your partner

Monday John was admitted into the hospital.
Drew was due to work at 2.
Kyle gets out of school at 2:30.
The plan was for Drew to check Kyle out of school early, go to work and have me meet him in the parking lot, I pick Kyle up and take him home, then when Drew got off work, go back to the hospital and stay overnight
The plan worked beautifully..without a hitch........UNTIL
Except John half crazed with pain and lack of sleep called me...."Please, please come back up here. I'm still hurting and they are not listening to me." Panic had set in and reason left the room.
So we broke all the rules and Kyle got to stay in the room with John long enough for him to calm down. Kyle was great, he loved playing with the bed and the remote control to the television.
John was given IV fluids and antibiotics and seemed to be doing better.
The plan then was revised again.
We'll go home, get dinners and baths, etc... I will meet Drew at work at 11, swap him out and be up there 45 minutes sooner.
We got home, dinners, baths, packed a bag for John and myself and settled down to wait the 3 hours for Drew to get off work.
Then John called again.... "I'm hurting, my chest is hurting, my stomach is hurting, i'm still nauseated and (something i've never heard) i'm scared."
The plans are revised AGAIN.
My neighbor agreed to watch Kyle and I dash off to the hospital.
John calms down, the anti nausea medicine and antibiotics kick in about 3 am and he finally relaxes enough to get some much needed rest.
Sometime between me carrying him next door and getting the bag in the car, Lola aka Big Head Fred, slipped out the door.
I didn't notice.
Drew came home from work and didn't notice.
By the next afternoon when I got back home, she was no where to be found. We have searched, called, printed flyers and posted notices. She's not in any ditch near the house (a sad but real danger) so we can only hope that she is somewhere safe in someone else's house.
Every time I open the door, I secretly hope she will be there.

Creeping Crud

Tuesday
"Kyle fell asleep at lunch and we think he has a temperature." Little did we know these words meant that for the next week EVERYONE in our house would be sick.

Coughs, headaches, nausea, human mucus machines and other unmentionable maladies.
You know your child is sick when he lays quietly on the couch for 4 hours.
By Friday, he was better. 8 children in his class were out with the same symptoms.
Drew's lasted till Saturday.
Mine lasted till Sunday.
Thursday John came home and went to bed.
Friday he went to work, came home and went to bed.
Saturday, Sunday..all filled with nausea, fevers, etc. He got it both barrels.
Didn't eat enough to take his diabetes medicine, couldn't keep anything down.
Monday we went to the hospital where they promptly admitted him.
Pneumonia and bronchitis.
We're here till at least Wednesday.
Blood sugar went from 89 to 374. Within a 6 hour period.

Kindergarten

I officially registered Kyle for kindergarten today.
How can that be?
Wasn't it last week he looked like this??????????????

Now he is old enough to go to Kindergarten?

Rosie, Lola and Gracie

First.....the cast of characters

First Rosie. Almost 15 years old. She's old, she's cranky, she's fiesty. Mostly content to lay on the warm bed and occasionally submit to petting.

Lola aka Big Head Fred. Barely a year old. I picked her because of the mark on her forehead. She's a gray tabby, but it looks as if someone dipped their thumb into brown paint and touched her head. She is affectionatly know as Big Head Fred because, no matter what is going on in the house, she simply must be there to supervise! She's a beautiful cat, but an attention hound, fast as lightning, can be entertained with a laser pointer for hours.

Then there's Gracie- born in October to Lola Yes, 7 month old kittens CAN go into season. She is living proof. Her father is a littermate of Lola. Essentially, Gracie's father is also her Uncle. That explains volumes. :) She's going to be the queen. The other two girls object strongly to this and we have spirited arguments frequently, mainly occuring between 2-4 in the morning.

Exit Interviews

The exit interview came sooner than the graduation.
I am no longer gainfully employed.
I do believe that things happen for a reason.
The ONLY reason I kept this frustrating crappy job was for the insurance and flexible spending benefits, and of course, the paycheck.
We checked with Johns human resources manager and tah-dah, insurance sightly better than what I had, 52 dollars a month cheaper. No flexible spending, but more and more pharmacies are going with the 4 dollar prescription offer so that may even itself out.
"I hate this job and don't want to be here anymore." was the only thought I had pulling into the parking lot every. single. day.
The first two days were spent laying on the bed (feeling somewhat outraged) watching DIY and the History Channel.
Now.... i'm sending out resumes and going on interviews.
In the meantime, I have cleaned out every drawer and cabinet in my house and have ordered the fabric to make new drapes in the music room and entryway.
There are two quilts I want to make and have started cutting the blocks out for one.
If I don't have a job soon, my Christmas presents will be made VERY early!

It's official, i'm a college student again

After a 20 year break, I am officially registered at Lanier Technical College majoring in Computer Information Systems. Double minoring in panic attacks and being scared silly.
Also..... oddly excited.
Classes start March 31st.

My son has always thought that I was so lame. The"What would you do if you won the Powerball?" answer was always the same.... "I want to go back to school." (AFTER rolling around naked in a large pile of money, a weekend of debauchery ending with a polite request never to return to the Four Seasons Hotel again.) No fast cars, expensive jewelry, designer wardrobe, just.. a full time student at the local college. He would give me the look you give small children or slightly addled senior citizens and change the subject. School to him, was a bore. Something to be tolerated until he was legally able to leave WITHOUT my permission.

I hate my job. It's just a smaller version of hell. Every morning I sit in the parking lot and pep talk myself out of the car and into the building. This morning I thought of the exit interview I will be scheduling 2.5 seconds after graduation. The old exit interview was, "Screw this, i'm outta here." I'll work on a different phrasing.

Life is short

I wonder what it is about our days that makes us remember them. Can you look back and say: "Oh yes-February 19, 2004. I remember it well, that's the day I had scrambled eggs for breakfast and had an Americano instead of my usual latte at Starbucks." Or: "Sure, I recall November 10, 2005. That's the day I had a presentation at the office and had that massive python tattooed across my back. It kinda' hurt."
Do most days just pass us by in a blur, they have no imprint on us, they don't make a difference? We register that the floor of the coffee shop needs a mopping, but it doesn't change our life. We have 10 voice mails, but they have nothing revolutionary to add. We pop in to blogs that make us smile, make us cry, make us cringe, but when we click that red X in the upper right-hand corner, it doesn't linger with us past that popping mouse click.
If we save up a host of these days, does it mean that our recollection will be a cumulative one-our interminable days become a single day in our memory (wake up, shower, brush teeth, dress, leave house, head to work, get coffee, work, head home, undress, watch TV, have dinner, go to bed.) Will we look back at our twenties and see this pattern? Will it mark our thirties? Is our forties about refining this pattern, getting the daily grind into perfection?
They say that on their death bed no one really wishes they worked more, but I think that's only because they haven't polled everyone. That, and do you really know you're punching the grand time clock at that moment? With my luck, just before I kick the bucket, I'll be telling a dirty joke or asking for another plate of mac and cheese. Hardly the romantic images we all have of tearfully clutching our loved ones and telling them what they meant to us.
How many of us wake up in the morning and grin, saying "THIS! This is the day I've been waiting for, I think. I'm sure of it. Today is here, and today could be the day." And how many of us head through that day and the most amazing thing that happens is someone hands us a red balloon animal. Maybe it occassionally works that way-maybe the chap that invented Hubba Bubba woke one morning and shouted "Today is my day! I'm going to grab my day by the balls and I'm going to make it strawberry flavored!"
Maybe not every day needs to be this way. Maybe our days should be ordinary just so we can enjoy the little patches of extraordinary. I lost my temper. I got offered a job by a manager I can't stand (so that'll be a no then.) Not a day likely to stick in my mind in the long term.
I'm not depressed or upset, in case this post is reading like that. I'm just feeling pretty random and wondering what my memories are going to be made of, because days are passing (as is my youth) and I want to know which days are the days I'm supposed to seize. I'm ok about a haze of nondescript memories of train tickets, Starbucks, minutes of meetings, and poached fish for dinner. Those memories aren't bad necessarily, I just want a bit of heads up on the days that have a say in changing my life. I can look back and see days that met those criteria, I know the ones that made everything change in the blink of an eye.
I just want some control over them.
And I want to wake up, punch the air, and say This is the day. Today is the day. I'm seizing the fucking moment and together we're going to make a memory that I'll remember forever.
It's not happening today.
But I've decided it will happen, so bear with me.
I'll be expecting to hear from you, too, on when your day is. You know, so I can punch the air with you. You show me yours and I'll show you mine and all that.

A Casual Conversation

Before dinner "Did you take your shot?'"
(That would be the Byetta shot that controls his blood sugar.")

"No, i'm out."
(I'm going to regret asking this....)

"So, how long have you been out?"
(Just breathe, deep, deeper.)

"Oh, a few days."
(Let the argument begin!)

Diabetes is funny. There are no immediate consequences to your actions. One morning you will wake up blind. And that will be it. We have fought over this many many times. He has had 2 heart attacks, three stents, two cardiac catherizations, his toes are cool to the touch. The list goes on.
His blood sugar (which he will not test) is probably off the charts.
I love him...but live with the knowledge that at any moment either diabetes or heart disease will take him.
Yeah... diabetes is funny.

Snow? In Atlanta? Twice in one week?

In Atlanta, snow is uncommon. That is very good because people here cannot drive in the clear fair weather. Add snow to the mix and you have chaos!

Kyle is too young to remember snow. Once he caught onto the concept of snowball fights, he was ready to play.

John grew up in Michigan so his vastly superior skills in the art of snowball fights had us at a disadvantage UNTIL Drew, Kyle and I ganged up on him.

The snow was beautiful, then 2 days later, it was gone. That is the best part!!!

New Years Eve

New Years Eve at the Peachtree Plaza Hotel.

Dinner was wonderful, the view spectacular, and the company was excellent!

For years I was the designated driver.

Then I was the one drinking sparkling apple cider with Kyle.

John either has a gig on New Years or doesn't feel like going out.

This year our friends talked us into dinner at the Sky Room.

Trying new things may not be so bad after all.