My dad's birthday was yesterday.
We also had to put Shadow to sleep yesterday.
I didn't go to sleep until 4:30 Sunday night.
Sometimes you can be too depressed to cry.
Yesterday was that day.
We bought two balloons and wrote names on them.
Goodbye Shadow, we love you.
Happy Birthday Pop, we STILL MISS YOU EVERY DAY. and we remember.
Kyle and I released them and even though they were not tied together, they stayed side by side until we could no longer see them.
I am hoping that Shadow met my dad yesterday. :) He's the one in the overalls, army tattoos and singing old Hank Williams songs.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Legwork
Today, instead of the gym, I went to the track. It is such a beautiful day, the bradford pear trees are blooming and I wanted something different.
2 laps
The second one was 5 minutes and 43 seconds.
Slow going, but steady, It is getting easier, each day I go. I still can't do anything but walk, so while the weather is nice, I think I will be walking outside.
Impatience is starting to kick in. I try not to weigh myself too often. It's a slow process, it takes time, you didn't gain all this weight at once. I know ALL these things, but come on.....just a small something... a change on the scale of 2 pounds would be great.
I can tell a difference in my energy level during the day. My mood has improved, I want to eat less.
I have to remind myself of these things.
2 laps
The second one was 5 minutes and 43 seconds.
Slow going, but steady, It is getting easier, each day I go. I still can't do anything but walk, so while the weather is nice, I think I will be walking outside.
Impatience is starting to kick in. I try not to weigh myself too often. It's a slow process, it takes time, you didn't gain all this weight at once. I know ALL these things, but come on.....just a small something... a change on the scale of 2 pounds would be great.
I can tell a difference in my energy level during the day. My mood has improved, I want to eat less.
I have to remind myself of these things.
Four Mothers
Yesterday Bambi, Robin, Kelly and I were standing outside enjoying the glorious sunny day while waiting on our children to get off their respective buses.
"Jake _____ was in a terrible auto accident yesterday. He was life flighted to the hospital and the are unsure if he will make it." Bambi said. "His mother Roxanne was my third grade reading teacher."
I am fairly new to this community. Bambi grew up here and you would be hard pressed to find someone she DID'NT know. But she is my grandsons principal. I met her at Kindergarten Roundup, spoke with her in the office in passing and worked with her in several school volunteer functions. A lovely lady.
We all still chatted, but in the back of our minds we couldn't imagine what she was going through.
As the children got off their busses, more news came trickling in. He was texting on his phone and lost control. He had only had his drivers license two weeks. Everyone had seen him driving his mother all over town with his learners permit, etc.
One of the children said that his teacher announced that he had died from his injuries. Being we are in a small southern town, we dialed the funeral home and was connected to the obituary line.
(I wasn't even aware there was such a thing) and we all heard the one line no parent ever wanted to hear.
"Funeral Services for Jake ______ age 16 are pending."
Such heartbreak contained in that small sentence.
Each one of us independent of each other subconciously looked around to see where our child/grandchild was and briefly imagined the horror Roxanne was going through, and then said a small prayer of thanks that it was not our child.
"Jake _____ was in a terrible auto accident yesterday. He was life flighted to the hospital and the are unsure if he will make it." Bambi said. "His mother Roxanne was my third grade reading teacher."
I am fairly new to this community. Bambi grew up here and you would be hard pressed to find someone she DID'NT know. But she is my grandsons principal. I met her at Kindergarten Roundup, spoke with her in the office in passing and worked with her in several school volunteer functions. A lovely lady.
We all still chatted, but in the back of our minds we couldn't imagine what she was going through.
As the children got off their busses, more news came trickling in. He was texting on his phone and lost control. He had only had his drivers license two weeks. Everyone had seen him driving his mother all over town with his learners permit, etc.
One of the children said that his teacher announced that he had died from his injuries. Being we are in a small southern town, we dialed the funeral home and was connected to the obituary line.
(I wasn't even aware there was such a thing) and we all heard the one line no parent ever wanted to hear.
"Funeral Services for Jake ______ age 16 are pending."
Such heartbreak contained in that small sentence.
Each one of us independent of each other subconciously looked around to see where our child/grandchild was and briefly imagined the horror Roxanne was going through, and then said a small prayer of thanks that it was not our child.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Another Day
I have been going to the gym at the community center regularly.
I am progressing s-l-o-w-l-y.
Walking on the treadmill is very different from walking on a path. It has taken a few days to get my feet under me. There is a LOT of adjusting the speed up and down. My heart rate goes up too far and I have to slow down the pace. (Meanwhile, I just ignore the women going 3 miles an hour.)
Basically doing nothing but eating and watching television for the last year has really taken a toll on m.
I wish: I had not done this to myself.
I was in better shape, emotionally and physically.
I had more confidence.
I will: Eventually start losing weight.
Slowly and steadily build up the endurance I need.
Become more confident as I lose weight.
This week I am working on looking people in the eye, walking 1/2 mile a day, and not eating after 8 pm.
I am progressing s-l-o-w-l-y.
Walking on the treadmill is very different from walking on a path. It has taken a few days to get my feet under me. There is a LOT of adjusting the speed up and down. My heart rate goes up too far and I have to slow down the pace. (Meanwhile, I just ignore the women going 3 miles an hour.)
Basically doing nothing but eating and watching television for the last year has really taken a toll on m.
I wish: I had not done this to myself.
I was in better shape, emotionally and physically.
I had more confidence.
I will: Eventually start losing weight.
Slowly and steadily build up the endurance I need.
Become more confident as I lose weight.
This week I am working on looking people in the eye, walking 1/2 mile a day, and not eating after 8 pm.
Monday, March 09, 2009
A New Beginning
I stopped blogging about Robin and her domestic situation a long time ago. She was back with him, away from him, back, away, etc.. She was stuck in a nightmare, but until she wanted to leave it, all I could offer was a safe place to stay and an ear to listen.
He beat her, he slapped her, mentally and physically abused her until she was a shell of the person we knew.
He pushed it too far one night and threatened her with a pistol. He had already bruised her up but had to add to that. Abuse always, always escalates.
She left, came to my house, we took pictures, filed a police report. He called, begged, pleaded, hounded and threatened her to come back. That was in September.
Today, we filed an application of a warrant for criminal charges on him to return her personal property. We also filed a small claims suit for only a portion of the money he owes her.
He will be served Wednesday or Thursday.
The straw... the one that broke the camels back?
A 300 bill from Movie Gallery for 13 movies he checked out on January 30th and never returned. It was at that moment that she realized that this would never end unless she went to court and made him accountable for the damages he inflicted.
Way to go Robin.
We filed the papers and couldn't get out of that town quick enough. If he had happened by and seen her, I do not know what the result would be. I would probably be in the county jail. She has not wish for contact or communication with him but me.... I have alot of say to him.
So Robin has her day in court. Even if she is ruled against, she will still have struck back and began to heal.
He beat her, he slapped her, mentally and physically abused her until she was a shell of the person we knew.
He pushed it too far one night and threatened her with a pistol. He had already bruised her up but had to add to that. Abuse always, always escalates.
She left, came to my house, we took pictures, filed a police report. He called, begged, pleaded, hounded and threatened her to come back. That was in September.
Today, we filed an application of a warrant for criminal charges on him to return her personal property. We also filed a small claims suit for only a portion of the money he owes her.
He will be served Wednesday or Thursday.
The straw... the one that broke the camels back?
A 300 bill from Movie Gallery for 13 movies he checked out on January 30th and never returned. It was at that moment that she realized that this would never end unless she went to court and made him accountable for the damages he inflicted.
Way to go Robin.
We filed the papers and couldn't get out of that town quick enough. If he had happened by and seen her, I do not know what the result would be. I would probably be in the county jail. She has not wish for contact or communication with him but me.... I have alot of say to him.
So Robin has her day in court. Even if she is ruled against, she will still have struck back and began to heal.
Monday, March 02, 2009
A New Beginning (Again)
It was time.
The dreaded doctors appointment I have been delaying for the last 3 months was fast approaching. I had run out of excuses and John was simply going to have a kitten if I put it off any longer.
I love my doctor, and his support staff.
Over the last year I have managed through a lot of hard work and depression to pack on 80 pounds. Add that to my already er....Reubenesque figure and you have a large,depressed, confused and anxious heart attack waiting to happen.
I feel comfortable enough with Dr. M to be able to talk to him about anything. For me, that is a huge deal. I've never been able to talk through emotions, I can deflect with humor 90 % of the time, the other 10% burying my head in the sand worked for awhile. I say for awhile because here I sit, in the doctors office waiting for my turn weighing more than their scale can read.
Pain, anger, sorrow, sadness, despair and humiliation are only a few emotions battling to come out. Control is very, very, VERY important to me. Being in control of things is high on my list. In control...comfortable.
He comes in, and for a few moments we talk about John, Kyle and the reason I gave the scheduler for my visit, asthma. "You haven't been here in 15 months." Cause I was too busy eating the entire refridgerator. Then it happened, the words I had struggled not to say, the emotions I fought to keep contained poured out. "I need help, this isn't funny anymore. I am going to die if I don't change my life."
We talked, semi-developed a plan of action. He changed some medications, started me back on my depression medicine and wants to see me in two months.
I am cleared to only walk for the first month. After that, I can start adding more exercises and light weight training.
Here we go...again.
The dreaded doctors appointment I have been delaying for the last 3 months was fast approaching. I had run out of excuses and John was simply going to have a kitten if I put it off any longer.
I love my doctor, and his support staff.
Over the last year I have managed through a lot of hard work and depression to pack on 80 pounds. Add that to my already er....Reubenesque figure and you have a large,depressed, confused and anxious heart attack waiting to happen.
I feel comfortable enough with Dr. M to be able to talk to him about anything. For me, that is a huge deal. I've never been able to talk through emotions, I can deflect with humor 90 % of the time, the other 10% burying my head in the sand worked for awhile. I say for awhile because here I sit, in the doctors office waiting for my turn weighing more than their scale can read.
Pain, anger, sorrow, sadness, despair and humiliation are only a few emotions battling to come out. Control is very, very, VERY important to me. Being in control of things is high on my list. In control...comfortable.
He comes in, and for a few moments we talk about John, Kyle and the reason I gave the scheduler for my visit, asthma. "You haven't been here in 15 months." Cause I was too busy eating the entire refridgerator. Then it happened, the words I had struggled not to say, the emotions I fought to keep contained poured out. "I need help, this isn't funny anymore. I am going to die if I don't change my life."
We talked, semi-developed a plan of action. He changed some medications, started me back on my depression medicine and wants to see me in two months.
I am cleared to only walk for the first month. After that, I can start adding more exercises and light weight training.
Here we go...again.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Tuba Christmas
What do you get when you collect 200 + low brass players and gather them together in a public place and play Christmas music? Those brass players can be a rowdy bunch! You get TubaChristmas. An annual tradition started 30 years ago, held in Atlanta on the first Friday of December.
This year it was held at Underground Atlanta, mostly comprised of high school and college students. We took on of Johns students, Paul. While they practiced I wandered around Underground Atlanta and the 4 blocks surrounding. It is Downtown Atlanta, so I don't wander too far. It's safe, mostly, but to err on the side of caution is never a bad idea when out of your element.
It was good to be out even for a afternoon.Sunday, January 18, 2009
Happy King Arthur Day
Kyle came running into the bedroom tonight. "I don't have school tomorrow!!!!!" "It's King Arthur Day!!!"
It only took me a moment to realize, it's Martin Luther King day....
We then spent a few moments giving an age appropriate biography of Dr Martin Luther King.
We live in the suburbs of Atlanta. I have toured Ebeneezer Baptist Church. There is also a cemetary in downtown Atlanta that was part of the tour. The Jimmy Carter Presidential Library, the King Center and the Margaret Mitchell house was also included. It was part of a "Welcome to Atlanta, where every street is named Peachtree" tour my friends and I booked 2 weeks after moving here.
From now on, this holiday will also be known as the King Arthur Day!
It only took me a moment to realize, it's Martin Luther King day....
We then spent a few moments giving an age appropriate biography of Dr Martin Luther King.
We live in the suburbs of Atlanta. I have toured Ebeneezer Baptist Church. There is also a cemetary in downtown Atlanta that was part of the tour. The Jimmy Carter Presidential Library, the King Center and the Margaret Mitchell house was also included. It was part of a "Welcome to Atlanta, where every street is named Peachtree" tour my friends and I booked 2 weeks after moving here.
From now on, this holiday will also be known as the King Arthur Day!
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