A New Beginning (Again)

It was time.
The dreaded doctors appointment I have been delaying for the last 3 months was fast approaching. I had run out of excuses and John was simply going to have a kitten if I put it off any longer.
I love my doctor, and his support staff.
Over the last year I have managed through a lot of hard work and depression to pack on 80 pounds. Add that to my already er....Reubenesque figure and you have a large,depressed, confused and anxious heart attack waiting to happen.
I feel comfortable enough with Dr. M to be able to talk to him about anything. For me, that is a huge deal. I've never been able to talk through emotions, I can deflect with humor 90 % of the time, the other 10% burying my head in the sand worked for awhile. I say for awhile because here I sit, in the doctors office waiting for my turn weighing more than their scale can read.
Pain, anger, sorrow, sadness, despair and humiliation are only a few emotions battling to come out. Control is very, very, VERY important to me. Being in control of things is high on my list. In control...comfortable.
He comes in, and for a few moments we talk about John, Kyle and the reason I gave the scheduler for my visit, asthma. "You haven't been here in 15 months." Cause I was too busy eating the entire refridgerator. Then it happened, the words I had struggled not to say, the emotions I fought to keep contained poured out. "I need help, this isn't funny anymore. I am going to die if I don't change my life."
We talked, semi-developed a plan of action. He changed some medications, started me back on my depression medicine and wants to see me in two months.
I am cleared to only walk for the first month. After that, I can start adding more exercises and light weight training.
Here we go...again.