Smartphones

I have finally moved into the 21st century.
I bought a smartphone. And I feel smarter already.
I was really cool about it in the store, but once I got home and started connecting the various apps, my excitement level grew.
Giddy....I am giddy,
And smarter.

Dr Leslie

My appointment with Dr Leslie was today.
I run so many things by her. I sometimes feel the things that are wrong with me will never be able to be fixed. I do feel more broken than whole.
Some days though if you look past the front I so carefully cultivate you see tiny cracks carefully pasted over. Some days I remember that I am awesome. Some days I remember that emotions are best expressed rather than hidden behind food.
I'm glad I have Dr Leslie to remind me of those days. :)

Bicycles and suprises

Christmas we suprised John. In 14 years of marriage I have never gotten John a present that he truly loved. Some great presents, but nothing that lit up his face. Until yesterday.
I corralled Drew into going across the street from work and buying the bike, hiding it in his van and setting it up the next morning on the front porch. After we all opened presents I went outside to feed Lucy and called, "John, come see Lucy!!!" The expression on his face was perfect. I got him.....finally....I got him. A great Christmas present... Victory is mine!!!!

Merry Christmas

Christmas was great! We opened presents, exchanged gifts and afterwards we dealt with a water leak in the bathroom. Nothing says a holiday like 2 inches of water in a trailer floor. We used all the towels to mop up the water. John and I went scouting for laundromats, and amazingly found one open....on Christmas.
John spent the afternoon washing, santizing and drying the towels. I spent the day cooking Christmas dinner and cleaning the house.
There were no huge fights and the tension level was fairly low.
It was actually a good day.

Christmas Lights

Drew, Kyle and I hung Christmas lights last night. Because of other circumstances (poverty and depression) we are not having a tree. The closest thing we can have is Christmas lights outside.

They make out deck quite festive. Friday I get paid and we will go Christmas shopping. Today I loaded Christmas songs onto the IPod.

I work retail, I deal with crowds day in and day out. Our customers are generally pleasant and it is fun to engage them in the normal "Have you finished your Christmas shopping?"

We have Kyle and Drew here now. Money is tight, our home is small. Drew and John have a strained relationship at best. But...in the last month we have lost three dear family members, so this Christmas will be sadder and sharper than previous ones. Sadder for the losses, sharper because we have been made aware that we are not guaranteed another Christmas together.

I love my little strings of lights on my deck, they bring me great comfort and remind me (again) it's not what you get for Christmas, it's the people you share it with.

They come in threes

In our house, we had a saying, "Bad news or trouble comes in threes."
We have had our three.
John's Aunt Doris passed away last Saturday.
Sunday, his cousin Billy fell and hit his head, causing a brain bleed that simply could not be treated.
"Send me home, I want to die at home." was what he told his doctors.
Billy passed away Sunday morning. John was back on a bus to Tennessee for another funeral.
Monday my Aunt Jessie slipped into a coma.
My sister Janese had been to see her Wednesday carrying news of our lives to her. She visited for awhile and said her goodbyes knowing it would be the last.
Aunt Jessie passed away yesterday shortly after midnight. My Uncle Jerry and Aunt Kay were on their way down from Nebraska to Texas, but were held up because of the bad weather. When they knew that they would not make it in time, they put the phone to her ear and he told her he loved her and goodbye.
Although I am sad that she has passed away, I also am not. Her last breath here on earth was followed by her first breath in heaven. It's hard to mourn knowing that she is safe, happy and pain free. My memories of her from my childhood are some of the fondest.
Our troubles and bad news have numbered three. Go away future troubles, we have reached our quota.

Christmas Present

I get a different kind of Christmas present this year.
My 31 year old son and 8 year old grandson are moving in with John and me on the 21st.
This.....is wrong on so many levels.
So here we will be, all hemmed up in a trailer during the winter.
He's unemployed, but looking.
John is beside himself and me......well, I am stuck firmly in the middle.
Money is so tight right now I don't know how we will make this.
As it stands right this minute, we have 11 dollars till I get paid NEXT Friday.
Kyle will have Christmas, but not us.
I am good with that.

On a completely different subject.
The state of Georgia has my address wrong and we failed to complete the proper paperwork for Kyles insurance. For the next 45 days he can't get sick or need to go to the dentist.

Merry Christmas!

Alot happens in 2 years!

Robins ex boyfriend Rick died..alone, fueled by alcohol and pills (suprise!) Died on Sunday, wasn't found until Thursday.

Spike died after a long, long life. It was a pleasure knowing him, but we still miss him each day.

We moved, into a bigger, less expensive place on an acre of land. A bonus, our landlord is not the Mayor of Crazytown, unlike our previous landlord.

John qualified for disability, and is now moderately homebound.

I finally found a job, which I love and have worked there for over a year.

See.....I told you alot happens in 2 years!

Aunt Doris

Aunt Doris died Saturday.
The call came in while John and Kyle were out at the park.
Don't you love being the bearer of bad news?
Tuesday he will be on a bus up to Clarksville.
11 hours on a bus to attend a funeral. 13 hours back (that's the difference between central and eastern time)