Happy Birthday Drew

My son Drew is 32 years old today.  He has brought me much pride and joy along with a considerable amount of heartache and aggravation.
I was a terrible mother in many ways. 
I was a great mother in other ways.
He aggravates me, annoys me, irritates me but I would kill or die for him. 
I'm glad he is my son, I would n't have changed a thing.....well maybe a few things.
I would have been a better parent.
Happy Birthday Drew!

Chaos, panic and disorder

Some times you are forced to realize that life is not what you thought it was. That the control you thought you had was an illusion. Until you learn the secret that so few people know or even want to know: that this world, with its joys and its sorrows and its structure and its chaos is really just a sorry imitation of how the world was meant to be.

Holy Crap

I have 48 days to completely clean this entire trash heap I laughingly refer to as our home.
This should be fun.
An Old close friend of Johns is coming to visit.
Holy Crap

Ambulance Ride

Nothing starts a day off like a ride in an ambulance,  I had planned on cleaning out the bedroom and setting up the bed, but instead I called 911 and rode to the hospital in an ambulance.  What felt exactly like a heart attack was once again the nerve under my shoulder blade.  This one was a different, this pain kept blooming, and this little voice clicked in my head, "You are going to die, call 911." The most horrible 5 minutes of my life unfolded at that exact moment,
I never want to feel that way again.
I never want to see the panic on my husbands and grandsons face.
I will do whatever it takes to accomplish this goal.

John has surgery tomorrow.  He has a blockage in his heart.  Not in the artery, but the heart.  For some reason, this time is different.  I didn't worry about him the first three times around.  This time it is different...this time I am filled with so much dread over this surgery.
We are praying for a good outcome.
I have started Fly*lady cleaning again....
Wish me luck.
Pray for John.
Let me keep him a little longer.